Feeling Amazing

It has been a while since I posted my last blog on here, well, since then I actually feel amazing and although I guess talking to someone has helped to get me out of my slump, being with Michelle has really changed my perspective on things, I actually want to go out and do things now, like see mates, go out and exercise, start another degree in Biomedical Sciences and if not that then a Masters in Business Marketing. I want to do some voluntary work for both me, to help and my CV. 

My frame of mind seems to have changed alot, Im happier in myself, me and my sister are getting on much better now. 

Im making plans for the future and I have hopes for the future.

All in all, it feels like everything is going great. Im so happy being with Michelle, its hard to describe just how happy I am with her, I have feelings for Michelle I never thought I would have for someone and every time I see Michelle my feelings just grow stronger and stronger, I don't want to rush things with her as I don't want things to go wrong, I just want to take it all at her pace. I get on well with her mum (Bev) and Dad (David), her Granddad (Patrick), his Wife (Loraine) and Daves half brother Richard, I met for the first time friday night at The Trout pub in Itchen Abba's (27th Feb 2009) and I got on with them very well. 

Im yet to meet Michelle's friends and other family members, should be fun. Michelle will be meeting my friends and family this weekend as it is my birthday party and she is coming to essex too. I can't wait to introduce Michelle to my friends and family, they have heard enough about her now, they just want to see her :D

Until next time, luv and hugs, All those in blogger world, Stay Classy :D  xx

Tesco and the annoyance

Since I stated working at Tesco back in August 2007, i have found that I have just let my degree go to waste, mainly because I only got a job at Tesco as a stop gap until I found a better job with career opportunities. 

Recently Tesco (managers) have really been annoying me and getting me down. The reason is they have just not been supportive at all and constantly complaining about how I work and the fact i have to go in to hospital which then makes me feel like leaving my health and just working, which is not a good plan. And I know when you feel down, you feel tired, unmotivated and your health starts to suffer. As a result of not only talking to my Psychologist and a phone call I received while in hospital this time (6th feb to 13th Feb) I have decided and come to the conclusion that they will never or want to understand and they are really are not worth the worry and that my health and people around me are far more important. If they decide to get rid of me, at least it will not be down to me giving up, which will make me feel much better about myself. 

With certain individuals at Tesco, I think if you really have to be so nasty, then they must really have a horrible life to be that nasty to others and that I should not get annoyed but pity them instead. My whole attitude now with Tesco is, I go there now to work to earn money and sometimes have a chat to my work colleagues, which i do enjoy, we normally have a cup of tea before and after work.

All in all, my attitude has changed and i am now looking at things in a different way, such as separating my feelings and my thoughts where need be. I am definitely looking at life in a more positive way and actually feel that much happier with myself. I owe some thanks to My sister again, my Psychologist for getting me to look at things in a different way and Michelle for coming in to my life and just being amazing :) I know i mentioned this in my last blog but it is amazing how much someone can do without having to do that much, even a smile can cheer you up.

History to Present

I have always assumed that im a happy go lucky guy, never letting things get to me and always looking to help and be there for my friends. I never really thought that when i was annoyed or frustrated that bottling up these emotions would one day return to haunt me. 

When I was at school I used to get bullied, probably because I was the smallest and the fact I did not really look that strong. As time went by at school and i had a few friends that mattered and I did more activities (which included Young Enterprise) I felt that I could just ignore those that bullied me and just walked off and got on with things. Looking back I do think that made me stronger in some ways and determined not to be like them. 

I then went on to college at the same school, where I took part in a lot of musical activities, but not really sporting activities which when i look back at it, i really should have. By the end of college of the 5 courses I did, i only came out with two half decent results, which was in Business Studies and Information Communication and Technology. When I look back i wish i had taken up biology instead of music and put more effort in to studying and getting good results instead of dosing about. But that is the great thing about hindsight, you can look back and learn from your mistakes. 

I would have loved to have gone and studied a scientific course at university but fate had other plans and I studied Business Management and Marketing. I did not really get on with my first year housemates, I found by the end of the year I was run down and almost could not be bothered with my course, but the second year came and I started to go into hospital more often and by the end of university i had miss 16 weeks which is the equivalent of a semester. After university I decided while I look for a decent job i would go work at Tesco, and im still there now, so I have ow decided that as the job market is pretty lack at the moment, I would do some voluntary work to gain experience and/or take up a college course, university course or a Masters. The masters in business marketing is looking very attractive at the moment, and if i do, then i will apply for the 2011 entry as I have just missed out on the 2010.

Since I started university I have been going into hospital on a fairly regular basis, sure i made great friends and all but I have also let my fitness level reduce and thus let my health suffer. 

I have now got a plan to shake off the laziness, work my lungs and body and instead of looking like sweaty mess, actually look fit and healthy. 

I have been down recently though, I believe that all these years of just putting on a smile and bottling everything up had finally reared its ugly head. I have decided that instead of leaving things now, I have gone to see a Psychologist so that I can sort myself out completely, this may also help in my aim to get fit again. 

I have been a lot happier, in fact the happiest for quite sometime, It is all because of a girl called Michelle that I met back in December in hospital. At the time we where not looking our best and she was very ill with a nasty infection and inflammation in her lungs, one that only 0.01% of the population get and thats normally those in their 40s up not 19. But im very happy to say that she is now making a recovery, all be it slow but on the mend, and I aim to help her get her fitness back as well as push mine too.

On saturday we went out on a date, and I asked her out and she said yes and I am so happy that she is my girlfriend. She is the most amazing caring girl I have met and she is so beautiful. I have amazingly strong feelings for her, feelings i have never felt for another girl before and I can see a future with her. 

So at the moment my mood and feelings are very good and I hope that they continue this way as I do not like the feeling of feeling down and alone. I owe it firstly to my sister for giving me the push and then secondly to Michelle for just being supportive and then making me so happy. I feel that i am on the road to recovery in that sense even though i know it is a long road i must walk, but now i do not feel i will be walking this road alone.