When I was at school I used to get bullied, probably because I was the smallest and the fact I did not really look that strong. As time went by at school and i had a few friends that mattered and I did more activities (which included Young Enterprise) I felt that I could just ignore those that bullied me and just walked off and got on with things. Looking back I do think that made me stronger in some ways and determined not to be like them.
I then went on to college at the same school, where I took part in a lot of musical activities, but not really sporting activities which when i look back at it, i really should have. By the end of college of the 5 courses I did, i only came out with two half decent results, which was in Business Studies and Information Communication and Technology. When I look back i wish i had taken up biology instead of music and put more effort in to studying and getting good results instead of dosing about. But that is the great thing about hindsight, you can look back and learn from your mistakes.
I would have loved to have gone and studied a scientific course at university but fate had other plans and I studied Business Management and Marketing. I did not really get on with my first year housemates, I found by the end of the year I was run down and almost could not be bothered with my course, but the second year came and I started to go into hospital more often and by the end of university i had miss 16 weeks which is the equivalent of a semester. After university I decided while I look for a decent job i would go work at Tesco, and im still there now, so I have ow decided that as the job market is pretty lack at the moment, I would do some voluntary work to gain experience and/or take up a college course, university course or a Masters. The masters in business marketing is looking very attractive at the moment, and if i do, then i will apply for the 2011 entry as I have just missed out on the 2010.
Since I started university I have been going into hospital on a fairly regular basis, sure i made great friends and all but I have also let my fitness level reduce and thus let my health suffer.
I have now got a plan to shake off the laziness, work my lungs and body and instead of looking like sweaty mess, actually look fit and healthy.
I have been down recently though, I believe that all these years of just putting on a smile and bottling everything up had finally reared its ugly head. I have decided that instead of leaving things now, I have gone to see a Psychologist so that I can sort myself out completely, this may also help in my aim to get fit again.
I have been a lot happier, in fact the happiest for quite sometime, It is all because of a girl called Michelle that I met back in December in hospital. At the time we where not looking our best and she was very ill with a nasty infection and inflammation in her lungs, one that only 0.01% of the population get and thats normally those in their 40s up not 19. But im very happy to say that she is now making a recovery, all be it slow but on the mend, and I aim to help her get her fitness back as well as push mine too.
On saturday we went out on a date, and I asked her out and she said yes and I am so happy that she is my girlfriend. She is the most amazing caring girl I have met and she is so beautiful. I have amazingly strong feelings for her, feelings i have never felt for another girl before and I can see a future with her.
So at the moment my mood and feelings are very good and I hope that they continue this way as I do not like the feeling of feeling down and alone. I owe it firstly to my sister for giving me the push and then secondly to Michelle for just being supportive and then making me so happy. I feel that i am on the road to recovery in that sense even though i know it is a long road i must walk, but now i do not feel i will be walking this road alone.
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